When God Whispers to Your Heart . . .

Years ago, I used to blog quite a bit about life and Jesus and teaching and being married without children. I've always enjoyed writing and it was more a creative outlet than anything else. But that was a season of my life where my husband and I were trying to figure out life and where God wanted us to be. Mike was the minister in the family and I was just "tagging along." I was supportive of his ministry and willing to help out in whatever church God placed us in, but ministry was his thing and honestly took a back seat in my own life. 

But God has a way of getting His way, if you know what I mean. These last three years of Covid and unrest and uncertainty have been a time in my life where God has really been working on my heart. From the outside, it may not look like a whole lot has changed in my life, but God does His best work on the inside. 

My sister passed away almost a year and a half ago. Those of you who know me know that I lost my mom at 23 and I was forever changed by that event. But this was different. You're not supposed to outlive your baby sister. All my life, it was me and my two sisters. The three musketeers. I went through life thinking it would always be that way. No one else shares the memories that the three of us did. No one else knows exactly what it was like growing up like they did. No one else has the inside jokes that the three of us did. No one could make me laugh like my sisters. Even as I type this, tears are streaming down my cheeks. It was hard. Really hard.

But my sister was a Christian. Many of you know the story of the last few days we spent with her in the hospital and how at peace she was. The nurses even made several comments about what an impact she made on them and started the catchphrase #belikeginger. She was strong and brave and full of joy because she knew without a doubt where she was going and Who she was going to see when she got there. It had an incredible impact on all of us.

I feel like God had already used Covid to get my attention as I spent a lot of time at home, away from the distractions that so often take up huge portions of our lives. He had been speaking to me about the way I spend my time and the priorities in my life. I'm guessing I'm not the only one who had that experience. But when my sister passed away, God used my already tender heart to remind me of a few things.

The Bible says in Psalm 39:4 NKJV: “Lord, make me to know my end,

And what is the measure of my days,

That I may know how frail I am.

And in James 4:13-17 NKJV "Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, spend a year there, buy and sell, and make a profit”; whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away.  Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that.”  But now you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin."

That last line. Ouch. 

God was reminding me that my life is fleeting and my life is not my own. Our time on earth is so short and goes by faster with each passing year. I have witnessed so many people, not only my sister (who did not pass away from Covid), pass unexpectedly these last three years. People who were young. In the prime of life. With young children. Who thought they still had decades of life ahead of them. 

And I believe with all my heart that only those who had a personal relationship with Jesus are now in heaven.

Full stop.

I can be the best wife and daughter and sister and teacher and friend and church member in the world. I can succeed in my job, receive awards and accolades, and make a mark on this world that will be remembered after I'm gone. I can make tons of money, be recognized by my peers, and have my name become a household word. But none of that matters in eternity. None of it.

So what am I living for? To make a paycheck? To have a clean house? To earn advanced degrees? To attend as many sporting events and concerts as I can?

Martin Luther said, "I have held many things in my hands, and I have lost them all; but whatever I have placed in God's hands, that I still possess." It has also been said that the only earthly things we can take to heaven with us are people.

And that's what God's been whispering to my heart. I don't want to get to the end of my life and lay a bunch of awards or degrees or achievements at Jesus's feet. He doesn't care about those. He didn't place me in this world at this particular moment in this particular location for that (Esther 4:14!). There is a plan and a purpose for my life. Because my life is not my own. I belong to Him and I have a calling.

My calling is not because I am a pastor's wife. My calling is because I am a Christian. We are all called to ministry. Every single one of us. If you are born again, you have a ministry. If you are born again, that is your purpose. If you are born again, that is God's will for your life. Period.

That does not mean that huge changes are going to take place. I'm not headed off to seminary. But it does mean that I have a life focus change to make. I've always been active in church and church ministries, but ministry has never been my focus. And that is changing. I'm not entirely sure what that is going to look like in the future. God often calls us to focus on that one step ahead of us, rather than focusing on the whole staircase. I know that He will place things and people and opportunities in my path that I cannot even fathom at this particular moment in time. That's how He works. But now I'm looking for those opportunities.

So what's happening now? Well, first, God has called me to leave public school. At first I thought that meant leaving teaching completely. I was ready to go wherever He called me, but apparently when He gives you the gift of teaching, He expects you to use it. 😁 So I will be teaching at a Christian school beginning this fall.

Second, He has really placed the value of life on my heart. This has been happening for a while, but the recent Supreme Court decision, the fact that I live in a blue state, and the fact that there is an abortion clinic coming to the town where I am teaching in Christian school has really impressed upon me that I need to be speaking for the pre-born. I'm not sure what that looks like yet. Again, I'm sure God has a plan and a purpose in that arena, but for now I know that He just wants me to be more vocal about the value of human life. And that's all human life. Those who are languishing in nursing homes, those who are living on the streets, those who are enslaved in sex trafficking. I have a voice and they do not. 

Third, I feel like He is calling me to write again. I have felt this way for a while, but every time I sat down to try to type a blog, it never seemed to go anywhere. I'm not sure if blogging is even what He wants me to do, but a friend of mine recently started blogging and I felt God poking me in the ribs. He may be leading me to write in other areas, but He has not revealed that to me yet.

If you are still reading at this point, thank you. I think that I needed to write this blog to keep me accountable, but thank you for listening to me pour out my heart. I'm not good at being vulnerable and I think God is working on me in that area as well.  I have had this blog called "Grace Like Oxygen" for a while, but as I stated above, I never seemed to finish a post. Right now, I do intend to write an occasional post, but I don't know how regular it will be. I hope to write the next one about where I got the title of this blog. But God may have other plans. I'm listening . . .